just a few more hours and I’m done with this lame situation. At least i have most of my stuff, about 1/4th of my kitchen stuff seems to be MIA but I’ll just add that to my life experiences tab and take what I can get. I just can’t wait to have a home, a place where I can come after the long crazy work days and relax instead of going around the block an extra time to decompress for a second before I go inside. The last month has really tested my patience but I’m just not interested in stirring up things before I go. I wish them the best in their future, I just don’t want to be involved at all
found a tron dress this morning at a shop…like it was tron brand, O f course I wanted it! However it looked so bad that i couldn’t bring myself to buy it, how do you fuck up a jersey shirt dress!!! pissed!
sometimes I think I missed my calling, like I should have been a cinematographer, I was good at photography and I have an eye for composition and color…..and all the people I seem to meet in the industry are camera people…never any set or art people.
I’m stressed, very much stressed. I have alot of projects going on that need my attention and all of them are important and worthy of my attention. they are also not too much for me to handle by any streatch of the imagination, I could easily get them all done with little to no rush or struggle IF…and here’s the thing….I wasn’t in the middle of planning another move, my parent’s didn’t decide to visit me this week (despite me saying it wasn’t a good time) and I didn’t feel the need to spend as little time as possible at my current apartment. The only place I feel capable of relaxing right now is in my car. losing my primary source of income, working 40+ hours this week and the prospect of packing along with trying to do my best at all the projects at hand is enough to make me want to cry…infact excuse me while I do that, at work, right now….
this morning at breakfast my mother asked me what I was going to do now that one of my 3 jobs was ending, I knew this was a temp job so it’s no surprise and I’ve already been taking steps to fix the impending income gap ANY WAY not something I need to think about at breakfast half way through my first cup of coffee, this is also the 3rd time she has asked me about this! and fuck me just let me eat my goddamn toast without you asking me about my fucking job, whether or not the union got back to me or what i plan on doing about grad school because at 9am I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!
Aside from that I’m trying to wrap my head around why I am feeling so angry and anxious with my parent’s in town. I always get nervous before seeing them, this time it’s worse, maybe it’s just the current state of everything else…I don’t fucking know anymore.